


The Army of Chaos

by LovesFrogs



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Betrayal, Chaos' army, Complete, F/M, Gen, Oneshot, Parody, Percy Jackson: Agent of Chaos, THIS IS A PARODY YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, idek, it says Nico/Thalia but it's kinda not, or commander, or maybe assassin, passive-aggressive, semi-passive-aggressive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-26 01:44:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14990054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovesFrogs/pseuds/LovesFrogs
Summary: What happens when Percy's Gary Sue of a brother shows up at camp half-blood? The same things that seem to happen every time this scenario plays out...This is a parody oneshot of all those stories that float around of Percy being cast out and betrayed, and then joining a group of fighters headed by Chaos.





	The Army of Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> Note once more that this is a parody based on other Chaos stories I have read. If you see an element from a story you have written, that does not mean I dislike your story, just that it seemed like a common thread throughout many of them! I rather enjoy a good Chaos story every once in a while myself, so this is just all in good fun. That said, feel free to laugh, enjoy, or critique!

Once upon a time after the Giant War, Percy suddenly had an unknown brother that Poseidon was keeping hidden from everyone. This new brother, named Fake-Percy (but you can call him… FP. *failed attempt at a sexy smile*), is about a year younger than Percy. He sucks at everything and is super selfish and conceited, but everyone loves him. After a while, all of Percy’s friends ditch him for FP.

“Sorry Percy,” said Thalia, who was staying at camp after quitting the Hunters of Artemis because of her crush on Nico. It was love, who cared if they were actually mentally 20 and 12 years old? They looked about the same age, after all. “FP is just way cooler than you. Maybe it’s that wavy blonde hair…”

“Yeah,” said Clarisse, “Agreed. Even though you and I went from enemies to frenemies over the course of four years and I only respect people who earn it, I’m gonna go be friends with FP now because he’s awesome. Have you seen how he just stands there insulting people? And saying that he did everything you did these last five years, even though that’s impossible since he got here like a week ago? That totally earned my respect.”

“Sure guys,” said Percy sadly, but with no real anger toward his friends, “I can handle it if you’re going to believe him when he says he actually did everything that I did.”

“Thanks Percy. Bye.” Nico waved happily, putting his arm around Thalia, who, you remember, is his actual soul mate even though he’s gay.

“I can handle anything as long as I have Annabeth,” Percy resolved later when he was sitting alone in the woods not being attacked. “We can get through anything.”

\-----------------------------------UNNECESSARY LINE BREAK------------------------------------------

“Hey Percy…”

“Yes, oh Annabeth-my-rock-who-I’m-thinking-about-proposing-to?”

“I’m breaking up with you for FP.”

Percy was shocked and heartbroken by this statement. He thought that Annabeth was with him through thick and thin. They had gone through five quests together! He had even snuck into a quest to save her when they were 13! They had made it through Tartarus together and been best friends since age 12. Did none of this mean anything to Annabeth in the face of an idiotic and ugly younger dude who happened to be Percy’s half-brother?!

“I just don’t think this is going to work out,” Annabeth continued. “FP is way better than you, though I can provide you with no logical reason for this arbitrary fact, despite being a genius daughter of the wisdom goddess. Goodbye.” She walked away, and Percy saw her go up to FP and kiss him. He was shattered.

Then Poseidon showed up. “FP is my coolest son ever!” he declared. “Percy, you suck! I hereby disown you for being less awesome than FP!”

“Oh, Percy, by the way,” Chiron said, coming up behind him, “your mom and Paul are dead. You were going to have a younger sibling, but the baby died too. Sorry.”

Percy sprinted back to his cabin, unable to take it anymore. He packed his few remaining belongings that hadn’t been vandalized by other campers and ran away.

\-------------------------------------------ANNOYING LINE BREAK-------------------------------------------------

Now what am I going to do? thought Percy as he wandered through some wilderness that he found somewhere in New York. I mean, so far I been helping save children from monsters and bringing them to Camps Half-Blood and Jupiter, or to the Hunters of Artemis. But that just doesn’t seem like a worthy cause. What else can I do with my life?

Just then a strange man/woman appeared. He/she looked like a picture of outer space, but in the shape of a person for some reason. “I am Chaos,” said Chaos. “You should totally join my army. We help protect people on a whole bunch of other planets and stuff. I’ll even let you be, like, commander with no training or anything because I can see how awesome you are.”

“Promise that I never have to come back to this planet again and you have a deal,” said Percy. 

“Done,” said Chaos. “Now step into this strange portal and your life as my top general/assassin can begin.

\-----------------------------------------YET ANOTHER LINE BREAK---------------------------------------------

Quite a few Centuries Later...

Percy had been with Chaos and his/her army for quite a few centuries. He’d grown a foot, put on a bajillion pounds of muscle, and his face had changed enough to be nearly unrecognizable. He now had a scar across his right cheek, and his beautiful sea-greenish blue eyes seemed to change color depending on his mood. 

Not only that, but Chaos had given Percy a major power boost when he joined the army, so Percy was now easily stronger than Zeus. He had also begun to dress like an even more emo Nico DiAngelo and for some reason got rid of his awesome, perfectly balanced pen sword. Plus, he changed his name to Ycrep in a flawed attempt to forget his life on earth. 

“Ycrep, you have to go back to Earth now. You can wear this hood that only you can take off so that no one will recognize you. Unfortunately, all of the old friends who betrayed you for your stupid, incompetent half-brother have been made immortal along with him for some reason. Your ex-girlfriend is still alive too,” Chaos worriedly told his lead commander/assassin, breaking him out of his thoughts.

Ycrep couldn’t help but wince at the thought of the girl he had liked centuries ago. “But Chaos, you promised I would never have to go back! Thanks for the hood, though. At least that ensures that no one could possibly guess my identity!” 

“You’re welcome. Now take your second in command, who happens to be Luke Castellan, and go save Earth from destruction at the hands of Gaea or somebody. Bye.”

“Great,” mumbled Ycrep. “Now I have to go and face the tragic past that I have been running from for centuries. Thanks.”

Luke and Ycrep headed to Earth wearing special hoods that would cover their faces unless they took them off. People would be able to see their eye colors through the hoods though. Don’t ask how.

They arrived right in the middle of a council of the gods. All of the inexplicably immortal campers were there, including FP and Annabeth, who was now a complete and heartless Slytherin that cared only for herself and FP for some reason. Thalia and Nico, who deeply regretted their behavior toward Percy, were also there.

“There is a threat! It is Gaea or somebody! Whatever will we do?!” Thundered Zeus. (Insert Author’s Note here about the bad pun.)

“Chaos’ army will help you!” Ycrep yelled. “I am Ycrep and this is Ekul, my second in command. We are the leaders of two sections of Chaos’ army, which will be helping you even though it never has in the past! Like, ever!”

Immediately, anyone who had ever met Percy Jackson thought to him or herself, _This guy seems really familiar. I can’t remember anyone in the last few centuries with that particular color of striking and beautiful sea-green eyes, which I can see clearly from across the room, except for Percy Jackson. Too bad it can’t be Percy... this guy’s name is Ycrep._

Ycrep and Ekul went to Camp Half-Blood and saw that all the campers now sucked at fighting. Probably because FP sucked at fighting, and they all thought he was awesome.

“FP is a stupid name,” said Ycrep. “What does that even stand for? Also, you suck at fighting.”

“FP stands for Fake Percy, you peasant! And I can too fight! I challenge you, top general and assassin of a primordial army, for having the insolence to tell an out-of-shape kid that he sucks at fighting.”

“Don’t kill him, Ycrep,” Ekul muttered as the two prepared to duel. Ycrep won in about three seconds. He gave FP a concussion that the kid would proceed to heal from in about a day, and walked away.

“Percy Jackson was way cooler than you!” he yelled over his shoulder. “And you definitely suck at fighting!”

Something is seriously familiar about that guy, thought Annabeth, Thalia, and Nico. He keeps making me think of Percy.

Just as they were about to confront him, an army from the evil Gaea or whoever showed up. Percy sighed, and then proceeded to attack them all single-handedly. He killed an entire army with no help before proceeding to collapse from exhaustion. 

While Percy was knocked out, Annabeth, Thalia, and Nico confronted his second in command, whom everyone had forgotten about until now.

“Who are both of you really?” Annabeth begged him to tell her, “I know you’re hiding something.” He walked away.

\----------------------------------------ONE MORE LINE BREAK-------------------------------------------------

After Percy woke up, there was another battle with the enemy. Lucky they waited. Somehow, both Percy and Luke lost their hoods during the battle, causing the entire camp to go into shock. “I never would have guessed!” All of them told their neighbors.

“Percy? And Luke? Is it really you?” Thalia asked hesitantly. 

“Yes. Goodbye.” Percy said, walking back to the convenient Chaos cabin.

“Wait!” shouted Poseidon, suddenly showing up out of thin air. “Percy! I am so sorry about that whole disowning thing that happened. Forgive me?

“No way,” Percy said. “That was cruel and unusual, and helped convince me to run away. You’re a crappy parent. Goodbye.” He left. Poseidon looked very disappointed, and sadly turned into mist and floated away.

“I’m sorry about that war that I caused,” said Luke.

“We forgive you Luke. No hard feelings,” said Thalia.

“Yeah. It’s not like you meant any of it,” added Nico, her soul mate.

“Thanks guys. Come on over to the Chaos cabin. The rest of you stay out on pain of death.” And so they all met in the Chaos cabin and made up. Yay!

\---------------------------------------------ANNOYING LINE BREAK--------------------------------------------

Soon, a final showdown happened. Percy and Luke used their newly regained friendships to get close to the evil Gaea-like person. FP died in battle despite his immortality because he was useless. Just as the demigods were about to be defeated, Chaos showed up and defeated Gaea or whoever instead!

“Thanks Chaos,” said Percy. “Why didn’t you do that sooner?”

“I have no good reason,” said Chaos. 

“Oh well. Thanks anyway,” said Luke.

“Hey, Nico and Thalia?” said Chaos, “Do you guys wanna join my army too? I can see that you are the only people left in this camp with any awesomeness left.”

“Of course. Duh,” said Thalia.

So all our old heroes, except for terrible, backstabbing Annabeth, the rest of the seven that you forgot about, and Clarisse the frenemy, entered into a strange black portal with Chaos to have greater adventures and stuff. Also, Percy was now finally able to reunite with Zoe, who was back home in Chaos’ army after being brought back from the dead. She and Percy were going out, after all. They might even be soul mates.


End file.
